Most people today seem to think that marriage is an institution under threat. And most people seem to want to get married. So things are not quite as they may seem.
Traditionally, the essential nature of a marriage includes:
- It's exclusive.
- It's permanent.
These seem agreed. Their consequences are not agreed. Some churches allow divorced people to remarry, others don't. But all agree and express in their liturgy that marriage ought to be exclusive and permanent. There have been experiments with non-exclusive open marriages and temporary marriages, but these don't seem to be what people generally understand by or want in their marriage.
Exclusive and permanent. That's a tall order.
Marriage is also the best way to bring up children. Most people seem to want children. Let's talk a bit about children and their rights.
Every child has a right to be loved by both their parents. To conceive a child that is not loved and wanted by both their parents is an atrocity. And a corollary is, every child has a right to experience that love. Single parent families can and on occasions must work. But they are not ideal.
The upshot of this is, if you want children, you will probably want to get married and stay married. If you don't want children, then perhaps you have a few more options.
Sex is going to be part of your marriage, especially if you want children. Ummm, pretty obviously. And it can be a good part of your marriage. And it will be a challenge. So it's good to be a bit cautious with your sex life. Being faithful to your marriage partner, if you intend to have one, starts when your first sexual feelings start, not when you meet them.
And even if you think you don't want children, be a bit cautious. People change. Our society is littered with the corpses of marriages formed on the strict understanding of no kids ever. The problem is, hormones aren't quite that cooperative. There's an enormous risk that the awesome experience of being married will change the way one of you thinks about this.
A little advice from Uncle Andy: If you are contemplating marriage, ask two questions:
- If I knew we were going to have children, would I still want to marry this person?
- If I knew we weren't going to have children, would I still want to marry this person?
If the answer to either question is no, then don't get married. Wait until you fall in love.
Wow, that's a very trad view, ain't it? And we didn't mention the Bible once yet. Not up until now, anyway. Christian Sexuality makes sense is the point.
Feedback is welcome, use the sidebar link, or the very special uncensored feedback channel at cyberchurchx.
Psalm 127:3
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